How Are You Handling Your Blind Spots?
Enlightenment consists not merely in the seeing of luminous shapes and visions, but in making the darkness visible. The latter procedure is more difficult, and therefore, unpopular. - Carl Jung
When you learned to drive, you were probably taught about the evil “blind spot” — the nether region of invisible space that exists when you stare straight ahead and only use your mirrors to see the space around your car. I won’t bore you with trigonometry and the nuances of peripheral vision, but suffice it to say, given the angle of most car mirrors, each of us as we hurdle down the highway at 100 km/h (and then some) are completely unaware of the gaps of space on either side of us that you could hide a Buick in.
Scary thought, huh?
Now, much like we drive our cars, we are driving through life (ooh, that’s deep…). And it doesn’t matter if you’re driving a life that looks like an Aston Martin or an Aztek — you’ve got a blind spot. Probably several of them.
Let me take a stab at naming a few you might be familiar with: Interpersonal communication. Eating too many carbs. Gullibility. Ability to understand global economics. Sucker for a shoe sale. Accounting. Honest self-examination. Anger management. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink. For days.
But let’s not get perfectionistic, okay?
Believe me, I’m the last person who’s beyond having a few gaps in my character. And despite what your internal Judge persona might say, having gaps a good thing.
For example, one of my blind spots is a stubborn refusal to do calculus in my head. I just won’t do it, no matter how much you beg and plead. Fuhgeddaboudit.
I also don’t know how to juggle chain saws, set a table for a six-course meal, and I’ve never memorized parliamentary procedure, aka “Robert’s Rules of Order.” These are blind spots of mine, and I’m okay with them.
However, I do have blind spots that get in the way of living a flowing, eyes-open life. For example, I have some less-than-exemplary habits around money that raise their head from time to time (I always file an extension for my taxes, for example, and I don’t track our finances nearly as much as I probably should). And if I’m in a social situation and desserts are freely available, I have a bad habit of circling the pastry tray like a vulture coming off a hunger strike.
These kinds of blind spots, we all have. Trouble is, they’re often so loaded with emotional back-story that we avoid them for much longer than we need to.
What’s a person to do?
Here is a simple four-step plan for illuminating your blind spots and getting on the road to a life lived with more breathing room:
- Acknowledge: Yes, you have a blind spot. Yes, you can admit it. And yes, God (and I) still love you. Welcome to being human (you can pick up your membership card and t-shirt at the door). Honestly, though, acknowledging your blind spot is probably the trickiest step, simply because it’s not always easy to see it (hence, the name). But life has a great way of giving you hints… and if you don’t pick up on the emotional hiccups that life sends your way, ask a friend. Not an acquaintance, but a true friend. They’ll be happy to point your blind spots out to you (perhaps, too happy sometimes…).
- Accept (yourself): Breathe. Breathe some more. And know that you’re not the only one with this particular blind spot. There are probably millions of other people on the planet who are dealing with the same issue. Try breathing in a little self-love, or doing some Remembrance and asking for a Divine reality-check. It can work wonders.
- Ask: While you’re inside your heart, doing Remembrance (and breathing), ask your heart to show you how to approach dealing with this blind spot. Maybe it’s with support, maybe it’s alone, maybe it’s take a class, etc. Let the answer surprise you, if it needs to. After all, you may have been avoiding this spot for years for a reason that felt huge to you, but may be a tiny deal if approached in a new way.
- Act: Do what your heart says. Not only is following through on your heart’s guidance a fantastic way to build your sense of integrity, but it’s also the only way you’re going to get out of the rut you’ve been in. Action can breathe life into all kinds of stagnant thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and patterns.
And remember, you’re in charge of your own life, and you can decide which blind spots to tackle. If you need to, start small (stubbornness around trying new types of cheese) and work your way up to bigger things (clearing forty years of accumulated junk out of your garage). The pace you drive is up to you.
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Image by lemonjenny on Flickr, via Creative Commons license.
And thanks to all those who commented on the previous post so far: Elena, Jean Browman, Judy Murdoch, ReddyK
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In Changing For Good Prochaska, Norcross and Diclemente talk about the stages of change. The first is Precontemplation, which means you have a problem and aren’t even aware of it. That’s equivalent to your concept of blind spots. The second step is Contemplation, where you see you have a habit that you’d be better off eliminating. The third is Commitment, where you decide you really want to change. The last three are Preparation, Action and Maintenance. Clearly the first two steps, from Precontemplation to Contemplation and from Contemplation to Commitment are the most important. So give yourself a big pat on the back when you get that far. The other three steps take time and thought and experimenting, but once you make the commitment the answers will come.
Great topic, especially with the new year coming.
I love looking at our blind spots, the trouble is, we are often blind to them! That’s where having a great coach, (like yourself) would come in. Some of them aren’t blind at all, just bad habits, (too much chocolate) obsessed with blogging), still it’s all a journey, and a fun one at that! Thanks again Adam for a thoughtful post.
I think you’re pointing out something important here. The hardest part, of course, is to see your own blind spots (now, that’s not only deep… it’s Zen.)
I have often maneuvered around some of them without even seeing the problem:
-I got used to money trickling out of my pockets through all these invisible holes.
-I almost started to believe that I never have time to do anything after work.
You know what I mean. Sometimes, we just take our bad habits as facts of life.
True, all, and the thing about blind spots is that until you know about them, you can’t really be working on them, right? So as long as you’re in the dark, don’t worry about it. You’ve got plenty of other things (the issues you are aware of) to work on!
You only know once you know.
As I see it, it’s what you do about it once you do see it that makes the biggest difference.
This is a really fun site. The lighter side of personal growth, I love it. I was feeling way to serious when I got here but you fixed that. Thanks,I’ll be back alot.