You Have To Realize That You Aren’t Normal
From a young age, you probably realized that you weren’t cut from the same cloth as most of the people around you. You saw things differently, and different things held value for you than what was important to the people around you. You always felt a bit like an outsider, and even when you did seem to fit in, you still felt like you were on the fringes, waiting for people to find out your secret.
How do I know this about you? Not just because it is/was true about me, but because I’ve worked with so many people over the years who’ve said the same thing about themselves, and I’ve come to see that it’s a lot more common than any of us seem to realize.
You’re not normal — is this bad?
Not at all, of course. When you think about it, what good is normality, anyhow (in a social sense, at least)?
So what does it mean?
Well, you can attach any meaning on it you want. Some people see their strangeness as a reason to hide, while others use it as a reason to shine. How you hold it, though, is going to determine a lot about how you show up in your life, especially at work.
If you’re an entrepreneur, and your self-image is one of “less than, because I’m not normal”, then I can pretty much guarantee you that your business will languish in obscurity, because you won’t feel comfortable in putting yourself out in front of others, assuming you’ll be judged as unworthy (when really, you’re the one doing the judging).
But if your self-image is more along the lines of “unique, and that’s a great thing!”, then you’re not going to hold back when it comes to putting forward your ideas, your contribution, and your individuality.
Rules For Renegades
I recently read Rules for Renegades, an outstanding book by Christine Comaford-Lynch. If you haven’t heard of her (I hadn’t), you’ll be amazed when you see her list of accomplishments in life and business (she also used to be a monk, so you know she’s cool!).
And while I got a lot out of her book, in a lot of ways, one over-arching principle that I kept seeing again and again was that she embraced her own way of doing things, even when it stood in stark contrast to the “status quo.” She believes in listening to your own inner voice of truth, and living by it. By Christine’s rules, being normal would be more of a curse than a blessing, because only when you’re seeing things differently than the rest, are you going to be able to do the things that allow you to pull ahead.
It just makes sense.
Look at the explorers, the revolutionaries, the “weirdos” throughout time, and they’re the same bunch who are the pioneers, the discoverers, the mold-breakers of society that became amazing catalysts for transformation of ideas, beliefs, and practices that have gone on to impact the entire world.
So, what mold(s) are you breaking free from?
When you look at your life, what paradigms were handed to you that you handed back long ago? It’s important to see how far you’ve come, and see that you’ve been on the road to authenticity for a long time. And now, are there any others you’ve been dying to hand back?
Are there any vestiges of the old ways hanging on, keeping you in old mindsets? To get a better awareness of where you’re at now, try this:
- Take a few minutes to sit quietly, and center your awareness inside yourself.
- Then, ask yourself to show you what (if any) old paradigms of life you’re in the midst of setting yourself free from. See yourself in the old ways, and feel what that feels like.
- Then, see yourself in the new, and feel what that feels like.
- Then, imagine the two separated by a distance, a bridge, a trapeze, whatever… and visualize yourself moving to be more in the new one, as the old one drifts away. The more you can be present with any fears that come up, the more you’ll be able to process your way through them and become comfortable in the new reality.
Life is a continual evolution, a never-ending process of growth. So what if the bastions of normality poo-poo your values and perspective? You didn’t set out to become a vanilla version of yourself; don’t let them do it to you, either. Revel in your individuality, and take pride in the fact that you aren’t normal. Because you’re not, I’m not, and most of the people that will make a qualitative difference in your life aren’t normal, either… and that’s a very, very good thing.
Speaking of abnormality, my usually good memory has been failing me lately, because I keep forgetting to mention that Michelle Vandepas of Conscious Destiny interviewed me about a month ago, and has the recording up on her site. It was one of the best interviews I think I’ve ever done (Michelle is great at getting the best out of people), and she’s also gotten a lot of positive feedback on it. Click here to go to her site and listen to the interview.
Want a podcast of this? Click here.
Image by Pσrcelαΐηgΐrl° on Flickr, via Creative Commons license.
And thanks to all those who commented on the previous post so far: Barry Morris, Tom Volkar, Adele Sweeney, Jennifer Mannion, Char Brooks, Aaron, Jean Browman, Albert, Karl Staib, Nick Grimshawe, Saulius
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I love this post — it speaks straight to me & my heart! AmpleAliveness and my life as a coach are all about recognizing and celebrating the unique, divine magnificence of every individual.
And yet, I sometimes forget about my own specialness, and the light it is meant to shine in in the world… so thank you, Adam, for this reminder.
Often, being “not-normal” is met with bigotry and prejudice — anti-fat, anti-black, anti-gay, anti-rich, anti-right, anti-left, anti-(pick your religion), anti-(everything the other guy is not), ad infinitum. To which I often say, the only good prejudice, and the only one to which I proudly subscribe, is against “normal”. Imagine life in which the worst insult would be, to be called “normal”!
I think I first really realized that I was weird when I was telling people how I used to work at summer camps as a camp counsellor. I would tell everyone how weird camp counsellors are and then I realized that I was one of them.
Another nice post Adam…you’re really putting words to hard to explain concepts. I used to think I was not normal for being a highly sensitive person, but hey - now I like being one.
Cheers,
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net
Oh boy! Yes, yes and yes!
Even in my own family, I used to wonder if I was adopted!
You know what though, I’m PROUD I’m different! Proud to be a ‘Contrary Mary’ as my mum used to say
Wait till they find out I’m very into Buddhism now LOL
Adam, Sometimes when I’m feeling unsure of my own gifts, I travel back in time to when I was a kid and was going with the flow in a state of total confidence. If I could access that as a child, why not now? It helps me get back on track.
…
As to the interview, you were great! It has gotten a quite few listens and great feedback both on the site and to me via e-mail. Maybe we can make it a yearly tradition!
Albert,
I, too, am highly sensitive. I read an article about us when I was about twelve years old…it pointed out our strengths and was one of the most inspiring things I have ever read. Like you, it was a challenge while growing up, but it’s a blessing now.
Thanks everyone… glad you like it! And there are some great ideas and suggestions in here, too; thanks for sharing.
Dear Adam -
Wayne Dyer talks about how his school principal described him as a “scurvy elephant.”
Turned out she said he was disturing element.
“Scurvy elephants” are the ones to watch, he adds. They are the success stories.
We don’t fit the mold that society provides, but funny how we find each other –
Maybe as bloggers??
Hi Adam,
I’ve always felt like I was an alien “changling” in my family. If I say this my mom points to a picture of my grandmother and says, “so why does everyone think you like your grandmother?”
I don’t counter that an advanced race would know how to insert their own DNA to create a hybrid. But could be
But seriously, yeah, it’s often very challenging having a heart felt point of view that just doesn’t fit into what seems to be popular opinion.
I used the word “seems” intentionally because it’s worth questioning how popular the popular point of view really is. It’s one thing to read or hear it in the media. It’s another thing to talk with individuals.
“Rules for Mavericks” sounds like a contradiction in terms. I love breaking rules. Give me a rule everyone agrees on and I’ll try to break it just to be a contrarian.
In my experience, being the “odd one” can be painful, is often painful because a part of me also wants to feel valued and accepted by at least one community.
But I am also beginning to understand the value being different offers.
I love this topic!
And, Adam, I am really enjoying the direction your blog is going in. It’s very inspiring to me.
Be well,
Judy
Just got to love that pic!
I totally relate. So much so that I wrote a spiritual book about it, To Bee or Not to Bee, A book for beeings who feel there’s more to life than just making honey. It’s now in 11 languages and in all the Barnes & Noble stores so it’s proof that beeing different can lead to fulfillment, though it’s not always easy. Great photo!