What’s Driving Your Need To Succeed?
Ooh, man, do I love to learn — and I bet you’re the same way. And, there are times when we’re learning for the wrong reasons.
When you need specialized knowledge to accomplish a task (like learning CSS, NVC, or intuition), or you’re just curious about something (flamenco guitar, 17th century naval frigates, or how to grow better cucumbers), then learning lifts you up. The more you learn, the more full you feel, and the richer your life becomes.
But when you’re learning something new because you feel deficient as a person without it, “less than”, or are driven by a compulsion to appear better than someone else, then you might as well be trying to fill in the Grand Canyon with a teaspoon. Because no matter how much knowledge you accumulate, you’ll never feel full.
And here’s the kicker: the same lesson applies to learning as it does to material wealth, food, affection, or just about anything you can think of.
Why? Because it’s not about the stuff. It’s about the intention driving you.
True intent: curiosity, fun… specialized knowledge to accomplish a task… genuine hunger.
False intent: believing you’re deficient… needing more to be okay… comparison-driven desires.
What’s the big deal? Why does this matter?
When your actions are driven by false intentions, it’s like trying to feed an insatiable hunger. No matter how much you learn (or earn, or eat), the hole of that fear can never be filled in.
Not to mention the time, energy, and resources spent trying to fill in the hole that could be better spent enjoying the rest of your life.
So what do you do?
When you find yourself off on another wild goose chase, ask yourself, “WHY am I doing this? What am I hoping to gain?” That is, if you succeed, what will that give you?
If you’re fueled by true intent, the answer will be something like, “Because it brings me joy,” or, “Because I’ll be able to do what I couldn’t do before.” And the feeling behind the words will be one that lifts your heart.
If you’re being driven by false intent, however, the answer will be something like, “Because then everything will be okay,” or, “Then I can relax and just enjoy myself,” or, “Because then I’ll be enough,” or, “Because then so-and-so won’t get ahead of me” (Whoa — she’s going down in smoke!). And the feeling behind the words will be one of stress, pressure, compulsion, or fear.
(If you need some help in shifting from false to true, this would be a great place to start…)
The driver is the key
We’re all driven by something in life. The more clear you are about what’s driving you, the more you’ll be able to not only be effective, but find the peace and fulfillment that life offers within every opportunity.
Want a podcast of this? Click here.
Image by are you my rik? at Flickr, via Creative Commons license.
And thanks to all those who commented on the previous post so far: Edward Mills, Jean Browman, Adam, communicatrix, K-L, Lyman Reed, Julie
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Wow!! Love the podcast! Did you use Audacity or…? I gotta go learn to podcast so I can
keep up with Adambe filled with joy.I have used Audacity, but now I’m using Audio Hijack Pro, from Rogue Amoeba. (
only)
Audacity is great, but AHP has some amazing features that make it well worth the switch.
Terrific! I always feel like I love learning, but I really do recognize that sometimes it’s not for the healthiest of reasons…clearly something other than a love of learning is driving me. These ideas will be fun to play with!
Adam,
You bring about a very interesting look at the driving method behind many peoples desires or wants. Very good writing, it couldnt be more top notch. You have a very quality outlook regarding many of the topics you cover on your blog that is becoming far to rare nowadays.
Hello there! I am inviting members of Priscilla Palmer’s Personal Development List to participate in a blog series based on the Desiderata. I hope you’ll consider participating. Here is a link describing the project: Help Wanted: Desiderata Series. Thank you and have a great day.
Hi, I am a first time visitor and I am impressed. I like the distinction you make about why we learn things, good stuff. I am a motivational speaker and I like to share good sites with people so I will be adding you to the list. Thanks and keep up the good work. Ed Smith, edsmith@brightmoment.com, http://www.brightmoment.com
Hi Adam, another great piece of writing and I loved the audio version too!
Learning out of curiosity, wonder, fun is so much more enjoyable and rewarding than rewarding because we think we “have” to for some reason.
Looking at the verbs we’re using can be a good way to get to the intention - are we talking about learning that flows from a “must” “have to” “need to” “ought to” or something more delightful like “can’t wait to” “would love to” “want”…
Joanna
Great insights here! It’s good to be aware of our motives as adults. Kids are a good models of being naturally curious and passionate about new things. They learn because they are interested, not because they have to. As a former teacher, this is the void I often saw in the classroom- the disconnect between their natural curiosity and the content I had to present. The most effective learning takes place when curiosity meets opportunity.
Adam,
Great distinction! I was a personal trainer for 3 years, and almost across the board, people were trying to lose weight for the wrong reasons. They wanted to be sexy for their spouse, they wanted to fit in with their peers, etc.
Invariably, the people who started exercising for the wrong reasons did not stick with the program, and ultimately wasted a lot of money on personal training sessions. It wasn’t until they fixed their HEAD that they started seeing lasting results.
In fact, that is one of the reasons I got out of that industry. I realized that helping people to tend to their thoughts was much more effective than teaching them to exercise.
Another post that is right on. I learned this when I was working in an exciting job, i.e., I was over my head. I mentioned to my boss, “One thing is certain, I need to learn a lot more physics.” He told me it wouldn’t do any good…he felt the same way. You could never be on top of it all. He was internationally known in the field, so I decided we were looking at it wrong. I needed to get my ego out of the way and just enjoy the job for the challenge and excitement. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
the same thing applies to teaching - after all it is the other end of learning.
and our schools are full of that - emptiness filling.
no wonder children are confused…