Lessons from SOBCon07: Rock the boat — please!
Controversy is a tough one for us folks who were raised to not rock the boat, not make waves, get along with others (by pleasing them) above all else; you know, classic co-dependency: “you mean more than me.” I had those belief systems ingrained in me as a kid, and yet I’ve come to realize that I’m just a bit too passionately committed to my convictions for that way of being to override my instincts. If I see something I believe in, I stick up for it.
So, when the last discussion of the conference turned to an issue I felt strongly about, I voiced my opinion, in a rather opinionated way.
I said, “If you don’t have your photograph on your website, you’re being a fool.”
Big deal? Not at all, really. But it was to me. And it must’ve been to a lot of others, because two interesting things happened next:
- I angered quite a few people in the room. One of whom came back with, “I don’t have a photo anywhere on my website, and I see now that there are two kinds of people here: the “Kum Ba Ya”ers, and the business people.”
- I won over quite a few people in the room. How do I know? Because the next few people who spoke pointed at me and said, “I agree with him,” and “That’s how I feel,” etc. And when the session ended, a number of people came up to me and introduced themselves, and told me they appreciated what I said.
Now, I’m not saying the other guy was wrong; I’m sure he also had people come up to him, nodding, saying, “I’m in your corner, man.”
It’s not an issue of right or wrong. It rarely is. It’s a matter of identity.
If I identify with you, then I’ll want to listen more to what you have to say. And if I don’t, I probably won’t stick around very long.
And oooh, my people-pleasing instincts HATE that. But, that’s how it works. As they say, “If you try to be everything to everyone, you end up being nothing to no one.”
In a similar vein, Liz Strauss shared in her presentation what I thought was a great point, which she said was in Tom Peters’ In Search of Excellence: a community supports either over-achievers or under-achievers, but not both. It can support one, but it’ll alienate the other.
Truth is, the people I alienated at the conference would never have been a part of my community anyway. And the people I bonded with, would. And all that voicing my opinion did was make it clear, faster, who is in which camp.
That was a powerful lesson for me. I’ve been told it before, but I really got it this weekend. And as a result, I’m going to keep rocking the boat, whenever necessary, without guilt or remorse.
So, my question to you is this: Where are you backing down on your passions? Where are you hiding, in an attempt to please someone?
And, are you ready to take back the reins of your life, and live free?
Image by Sister72, used by Creative Commons License.
And thanks to all who commented on the previous post: Wendy Piersall, Jean Browman, Lorelle, Karin H., Dawud Miracle, Karen, Joanna Rueter, Stuart Baker
Get my Silencing Overwhelm e-book when you subscribe
Intuitive purpose finder and meaning maker.
Actually, Adam, I don’t think you alienated folks as much as you really got them thinking about their blog branding and identity. For some, a picture is “them”. For others, it’s a logo or some other visible entity. For even more, you challenged them to identify an identity.
When I review blogs and websites, this is one of the first questions I ask myself and the owner. “Are you your blog? Where are you in your blog?” Some people don’t want to be their blogs, they want their blogs to be “them”, a kind of “fake it till you make it” mentality. Others believe that their blogs truly represent them, but I see a disconnect.
Recently I reviewed a blog by a motivational speaker as part of my consultancy work. They used a very narrow fixed width layout. Since their blog is about embracing life to the fullest, this narrow constrained look didn’t match. There was no space, no sense of “fullest”. The post titles were in a soft pastel color in contrast to the rest of the design, with small letters. The date was larger than the title. They teach speak out, and the post title whispered. With the date the most visible element, a sense of “dated” content was made instead of timelessness, another critical branding misfire.
Your comment about visual identity brought this important topic to the fore, one much needed in any presentation about branding. So thank you so much for being the one to start that part of the conversation, no matter how it seemed to you. It was critical and a gift to those who got it - no matter what their answer was, at least they heard the question and worked to come up with an answer.
Hi Adam,
I hear you, every word. It’s what Steve Farber says . . .
Do what you love in service to the people who love what you do.
Yep.
Liz
Thanks, Lorelle, I appreciate that! I know I fretted for a few minutes, thinking, “Oh boy, I really stuck my foot in it this time…” until I saw past the fear of, “Will they like me?” to see that well, some people will and some people won’t — and that’s a good thing.
I totally hear you about having a site’s visual design that reflects the owner(s) identity; it’s a great example of the power of design. When it’s on, it’s on… and when it’s off — hoo boy, is it ever off.
And thanks, Liz, I almost used that quote of yours, too! I think it’s a great way to express the ideal of community that our businesses are really looking for.
Oh, Lord. I was lying in bed this morning thinking of the picture on my About page (http://stresstopower.com/About.html). It’s the one of me in a witch’s hat, teaching a Harry-Potter based class for kids. I’m about to mention my site locally…what will people think? Do I really have the nerve to show that?
The answer, of course, was yes. I’m blogging to be authentic. I want to connect with people on that level, otherwise I’m wasting my time.
Great topic, Adam. Thanks!
Adam,
I am totally with you. If I am visiting a new blog, I am there exactly as long as it takes me to find the blogger’s picture and bio. If there’s no picture, a bio is ok. No bio, and I move on.
I see dozens of new blogs a day, and I’m just not interested in anyone who is not willing to share at least the most basic details about themselves. It weakens their message and I don’t have the time to try to figure out their theme/message from their posts.
Of course, I’m one of the Kum-bay-yah bloggers so maybe it’s just my bias…
Adam,
I enjoyed the banter that your statement caused! To me, it brought up a good point that I see in a lot of businesses in Iowa. They worry about design, pics, etc before they know if they even have a business.
I agree that not everyone should be on everyone’s side… otherwise, how would anything new get created?!
Good observations and I applaud your willingness to put your foot down. My head is still spinning with thoughts from the conference.
Jean, that’s what I’m talking about — personality! And heck, since Order of the Phoenix is about to come out, your timing is perfect!
Scott, thanks for weighing in. I’ll pull up a rock for you around the fire… grab your guitar, and let’s Kum Ba Yah!
Seriously, though, I can’t imagine, in this day and age of the “conversation economy” how folks expect to grow a successful business by hiding. There are just too many good businesses willing to be themselves, and reach out authentically, to waste your time anywhere else.
Adam, yeah, it stirred the pot a bit. Not too bad, but enough. And you’re right about putting the cart before the horse — what good is pretty icing if the cake tastes like cardboard?
* breaks out the S’mores*
Hi Adam
Since I read this on various SOBCOn reports I’ve been pondering about this question. None of my blogs have a picture (one has, but that’s a picture of our showroom - does that count?).
Reason (and call this old-fashion or ingrained from childhood - don’t show off; just do/be normal, that’s showy enough):
I don’t ‘feel’ like any of my pictures. Always think - is that me? (Could of course be the ‘talent’ of the picture taker ;-))
But then last weekend pictures of the SOBCon appeared everywhere and I just loved to ‘recognise’ the bloggers I know (from their pictures on their blogs) - that was fun!
So pondered about it a bit more and will search my files to find a picture that I feel comfortable with to add to my blogs.
And yes, know the feeling of thinkingg you alienate people when you speak your passionate mind
Karin H (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)
Ok, ‘ve taken the plunge
Pictue this
Hope everyone is happy now
Karin H.
Adam..
I didn’t get to SOBCon so I’m kinda feeling left out here.
Or maybe just JEALOUS!
However I think you bring up a great point. Not just about controversy but about identity. With a self-named site like mine, I really need a picture of myself. Since I don’t like the ones I’ve got, I’ve buried it on the About page.
I’m not sure controversy is really what you are going for though. It’s really about being committed, or unequivocal. Like “make up your mind already”.
Karin!
That photo is wonderful! It’s everything I know about you and more! Perfectly lovely!
Thanks for the photo and for the link to your personal site, Karen! I would not have known about it otherwise. I went there an posted a comment.
Thanks, Adam for helping to build a community.
Hi Liz, Jean
Glad you like ‘me’
The first comment on my post (Ann Michael) made me realise (clarity through writing again) why the decision to finally do so was the correct one - I hate it myself to have to talk to people who ‘cover their faces or eyes. So who could I not?
Karin H.
Karin, I think that’s great that you put a photo up. I’ll be curious to hear how it shifts the feeling you have with your site. My sense is that you’ll start feeling a bit more at home there.
Oh, and like Liz says, “You don’t build a community, you make room for one.”
Dave, ‘no worries’ about having a photo on the About page only; in my thoughts, as long as we have a photo somewhere, that’s fine. David Armano said, “I only have a photo of me on my About page, because it’s kinda like intimacy… you have to work a little for it.”
And re: controversy : I agree, being committed is the important piece. Some people aim to be controversial, and that’s fine for them. I don’t know if I’ll ever set out to be too controversial, but it’s a whole different ballgame now that I’m not afraid to rub some people the wrong way in the process of being fully me.
Hi Adam
I was hoping it would be more ‘the other way around’:-)
Making others feel more ‘at home’ at ‘my place’
(I feel at home! - lately)
Karin H
As a co-dependent extraordinaire, I could relate.
Karin, oh, it will do the trick for others, too, for sure.
(Ah, the joys of co-dependency…)
Karen, thanks for sharing. Not that I want you to feel good based solely on my thanking you, of course.
As a classic co-dependent, I had to come back and make you feel good as well. Nice blog!
Adam, well you already know my opinion regarding what you said at sobcon about having a picture on a blog, and i’ll say it again man, i’m with you on this! (yep, go ahead and label me as a Kum Ba Ya’er, hehe) Seriously, as soon as i put my picture up on my blog (and you can’t really miss it!) i saw a huge increase in the number of comments and participation (which is what it’s all about anyway), i even receive e-mails (many) from people (not only bloggers) saying they like the fact i have a picture on there, so they can “see” who is behing the blog. I can’t say it’s “because” of the picture, but it definitely adds a personal touch and helps make things more “human”.
I admire you for standing up and speaking your mind Adam!
So are you a “Kum Ba Ya’er” or a “business guy”?
“So are you a “Kum Ba Ya’er” or a “business guy”?
“
For all the world to see: I am a Kum Ba Ya Business person. Don’t like it? Not a problem; the world’s big enough for us all.
David Wolfe at agelessmarketing.typepad.com uses his picture effectively. It’s on the top left of the main page, with a link to his About page underneath. The picture is of him with a mule, so there’s no way you won’t click to read the story. And the story, of course, is a great metaphor for his approach to life.
So, back to the drawing board. My first page is going to get yet another revision. Anyway, Adam, it’s great example to show your detractors. The guy is both human and an effective business man.