The Virgo, self-acceptance, and the inherent goodness of the universe
I had the pleasure of experiencing some beautiful synchronicity this morning.
I’m in a conversation over at Colleen Wainwright’s Communicatrix blog, which started with her productivity tips, but has evolved into the essence of being a Virgo (she and I are both Virgos, as are Dawud Miracle and Mark Silver, who also weighed in).
Add to the mix an email I got from Jennifer Louden (of ComfortQueen.com), about the lighten-ing effect of self-acceptance, and we’ve got the makings of one of the most primal teachings in all of mysticism.
The inherent goodness of the Universe.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to spout a bunch of platitudes on you. This is really some base-level, practical mojo we’re talking about.
In fact, as a healer, I regularly saw that at the beginning of someone’s spiritual journey, it was this core lesson that they needed the most. Once they got this piece, the rest of whatever they needed to heal could happen much easier.
What does the ‘Virgo conversation’ and self-acceptance have to do with the inherent goodness of the Universe?
Let’s start with Jennifer’s message:
If all those self-help books and tapes and articles worked, we’d all be size Zero, gourmet-cooking, multi-lingual millionaires, right?
What DOES work is self-love, self-acceptance, and self-care. And since you are absolutely, positively wonderful just the way you are, celebrate the first annual Freedom from Self-Improvement Day: May 15, 2007.
I want to highlight that sentence: “you are absolutely, positively wonderful just the way you are.” Now, it’s one thing to be able to say that. It’s another to actually feel it, believe it, and live as if that reality is absolutely real in you.
In Sufism, the most plentiful aspect of the Divine is Beneficence, Graciousness, Love, Compassion, Benevolence, and Generosity (all these are approximate translations, since English doesn’t have one word that sums it up in quite the same way). That goodness “encompasses all things,” and is, “bestowed upon all creatures with no disparity.”
And as simple as this sounds, it’s one of the toughest to learn.
Why? Because we believe otherwise, based on our experiences in life. We’ve been beaten down, told we’re less than, and had things (apparently) not work out for us so many times, we start to believe in other than goodness.
And yet, the truth of it is, underneath all the pain and separation we’ve been led to believe is real, the Really Real is the Oneness, the connecting power of the Divine (whatever you want to call it). It’s the call of the heart that always brings us home.
Ask any mystic or any healer worth their salt, and they’ll confirm for you that the bottom-line of every situation is always the loving presence of Oneness.
Once you get that — I mean, really get that — then your world view can’t help but improve. Competition gives way to collaboration. Difficult situations become opportunities to learn what the Divine has in store for you. And every patron in your business becomes a beloved who has been brought to you to become enriched, and your life gets enriched by them.
And, a bit closer to home:
When you grok that at the core of who you are, you originated from (and are a part of) that essential goodness, then self-acceptance becomes much, much easier.
Personally, I struggled for a long time with self-esteem issues. I tried so many ways of proving my worth and healing what I thought was broken in me. But what truly tipped the scales was not “fixing something broken”, but recognizing my inherent connectedness. I started to see integrity (as in ‘wholeness’, not ‘acting consistently’) was not something I had to earn or find, but something to be remembered and recognized.
Then, acceptance of my Virgo-inspired desires for neatness (too commonly disparaged as “perfectionism”) became simple — this was my heart’s desire to merge with the orderliness of the Universe.
As Jennifer says:
Beating ourselves up because our thighs aren’t thin enough, or because we still haven’t perfected the art of “positive thinking”, hasn’t made us happier or the world a better place. The biggest paradox in trying to change ourselves is that nothing happens until we embrace who and how we are right now, imperfections, perceived flaws and all.
And I would add: “Because when you stop pushing away who you are, you can get close enough to yourself to recognize that you are all you need to be.”
And yes, I promised practicality…
In case you aren’t seeing this already, self-acceptance (and its origin, the perspective of essential goodness) is at the core of having a business people love. Because not only is that kind of perspective contagious, it’s magnetic — when you see the beauty in all things, people feel seen and accepted on a very profound level by you. They’ll be drawn to be with you, to learn from you, to spend time with you.
My recommendation, then, is to spend some time asking yourself, “How do I see the Universe (or creation, or whatever word you want to put in there)? Do I see it as primarily based on love, or something else?”
It’s an illuminating exercise, believe me. And, I’d love to hear what you come up with.
Image by jurvetson, used by Creative Commons License.
And thanks to all who commented on the previous post: Jean B, Brett Evans, Liz Strauss, Tara, Wendy Piersall, Ellen Moore, Carolyn Manning, Dave Olson
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Intuitive purpose finder and meaning maker.
Bah. I need some illumination right now. I think I will head outside for a little fresh air and exercise. Sometimes I need to do something physical to change a perspective that’s mental.
(BOY, is it mental…)
Thanks for the reminder, Virgo…
Hi, Adam,
This is the comment I left at Jennifer’s:
“For me it won’t be any different than any other day. It dawned on me when I was in my middle twenties that I was very understanding and accepting of other people but not of myself. So I went into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and promised myself from then on I would be at least as loving, generous and supporting to myself as I was to other people. It was okay to make mistakes, no matter what happened I would trust myself to be doing my best. If I needed to change my behavior we would figure out together what to try next.
I’ve done a lot of behavior modification over the years, and you’re certainly correct. It starts by loving yourself just the way you are. You make changes because you care enough–both for yourself and other people–to bring out the best in yourself.”
I enjoyed hearing your experience that often self-acceptance comes from mysticism. I, personally, don’t think of the universe as basically loving. On the other hand, love is one of my highest values and I’m content to try to live according to my values as I go through life. Meditation and other practices do give me support and strength but not necessarily a feeling of union with divine goodness.
Thanks for asking!
Bingo, brother… this is one of the best things I got from you when I was first learning this mysticism/spiritual healing stuff from you- a transmission of the depth of self-acceptance and ‘you-can-do-itness’ just as I was, little perfectionistic Virgo person…
Colleen/C-trix: Oh, yeah. I’m right there with you on the “shifting states through movement” piece; I’m so grateful that the weather is warming up again — it’ll give me a chance to get outside more often.
Jean: That’s a great piece, re: your conversation in the mirror.
When I was first starting my spiritual exploration, I had a similar experience, although from a different direction (my heart opened, and when I looked in the mirror, I saw myself completely differently…).
And re: the loving universe — I heard a recording of Tom Kenyon many, many years ago, talking about how nature often moves along the Golden Ratio (including the spiral of human DNA); and how, if you record the frequency coming off someone experiencing love, it corresponds to the Golden Ratio as well. He basically theorized that, in the most optimal of states, we vibrate with love, and all of creation is based on love.
From Wikipedia:
Adolf Zeising, whose main interests were mathematics and philosophy, found the golden ratio expressed in the arrangement of branches along the stems of plants, and of veins in leaves. He extended his research to the skeletons of animals and the branchings of their veins and nerves, to the proportions of chemical compounds and the geometry of crystals, as well as the use of proportion in artistic endeavors. In these phenomena he saw the golden ratio operating as a universal law. Zeising wrote in 1854:
Anyways, could be nonsense, but I sure liked the idea of it.
Mark: Thanks. It’s a good reminder of how much we need reminders, isn’t it?
Wow, another Virgo here also struggling with Perfectionism and self acceptance on a daily basis. Apparently, I’m in good company!
What I find myself doing lately is beating myself up over not doing self-care! =:o I realize how completely goofy that is as I write it. Doing Remembrance definitely helps me to get back to a state of self-acceptance and love.
I was first introduced to the concept of the Golden Mean by a dear friend of mine Dora Raymaker. She’s an artist (and scientist) and created a painting about it here: http://doraraymaker.com/gallery.html?image=09_foundinnature;thumbset=1
Thought you all might enjoy a little visual interlude.
Thanks for the inspiration Adam!
>>>>>>>>Karen
I loved this Virgo article so much I sent it to many friends and clients who are and are not Virgos ! It really delivers the Love full blast ! I feel comletely surrounded by the Love. And I’m only a Virgo rising, still, it’s better than Virgo deflating.
I really enjoyed your article too, Adam.
I find your writing and observations to be gentle, funny, and wise.
The thought that occurred for me as I read was
You’re right
and, getting to a space of self-love for me has been
a very bumpy, slow process.
One of my biggest lessons over the past couple years has been that I’m more attractive to myself and others when I let myself be vulnerable.
I tried for many years to be the size zero, “got it all together” superbeing and I was really miserable.
Self help books that offer a “striving” “push yourself” model depress me. I haven’t read one for a long time.
Nuff said, back to work.
Nice article to start the day with.
Hi Karen; it’s great to see you here! Thanks for commenting.
I loved when you caught yourself beating yourself up for not caring about yourself enough. We’re funny creatures, aren’t we?
And thanks for the link to Dora’s art — the more channels we get it in, the better, I believe.
Celeste, thanks for sending it along. (and I love the Virgo-deflating piece! Ha!
)
Judy, we must’ve cross-posted, and I didn’t see this until later… anyhow, I completely hear you on the “no push” method of self-development. I burned myself out a while back, too, trying to do more than I could.
And, I think that’s how we learn. We strive too hard, out of our intention to be the best we can be, to experience all the love and goodness we desire, or heal all the parts of us we’re in judgment of. And then we realize that we’re not listening to our heart’s pace, and we’re pushing ourselves.
It’s such a fine line to walk: to not waste time or procrastinate our opportunities away… while not pushing ourselves so hard that we end up living counterproductively.
On Dawud’s post you wrote:
“A better (or at least, another) question might be, ‘Can we identify as having parts at times, and still accept ourselves?’
Or, “What’s the journey of seeing ourselves as being made up of parts, to seeing ourselves as whole?’ ”
That’s what psychosynthesis is all about. It’s about accepting and loving parts of ourselves that we’ve been rejecting. It’s about understanding and appreciating them so we can integrate them into the rest of us. So the purpose of temporarily thinking in terms of parts is to expand our vision of the whole.
That’s relevant to this post on self-acceptance, I think.
Thanks Adam - this is a powerful article. Bringing it to business is so important. It calls for radical self acceptance. I find this is the richest, most challenging practice of all. And you are right - it is the core. I keep learning over and over that is where my work is. And when I have those moments of self love, the flow is exquisite. And when I am fake it or lose myself, it’s easily smelled. This is my work.
I was just thinking about the inherent goodness of the universe this afternoon when I was on a forum writing about the movie American Beauty.
The first time I saw the movie, I couldn’t see any beauty in it. I was actually disturbed by it.
A few years later when I saw the movie again - I loved it. I saw the beauty in ways that totally surprised me - especially when I compared them to how upsetting it was to me the first time around.
There are few things that feel as good as when I’m really connected with the truth of the inherent goodness of the universe. Mmmmm.
I thank you for these thoughts, and I agree wholeheartedly. My guidepost in times when I have had trouble accepting all aspects of myself has been this quote:
“I’d rather be Whole than good.”
-Carl Jung
Aho!!!
licia
Hey, I’m a virgo too!
Adam, I usually say my prayers to the Universe feeling that the positive energy that is being emitted by me is then sent out into the Universe. I see the Universe as all encompassing. As I was reading your post it reminded me of the Desiderada and the stanza that always gets me is
“You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here,
and whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”
Jean, I’ve been through the process of looking at my parts, the term being used was sub-personalities, and not judging them as good or bad but as a part of me. Take the critic. She can tear me down in two seconds flat. But there are other times I need that critic to help get me off the sofa. It goes either way. And, by taking away the judgment I can explore those parts of me and see how they make me as a whole.
Wow — I was at SOBCon this weekend, and look at all the great posts!
Jean, you’re right on. Coming to grips with how we see and relate to ourselves is fantastic work.
Dave, thanks for your thoughts. And as long as I’ve known you, I haven’t smelled a thing.
Mona, right on — isn’t it great how the changes in our perspective can change how we view something seemingly “fixed”?
Licia, thanks, aho, and you’re welcome. I used to always say, “I’d rather be in love than be right!” I dig the Jung quote, too. He’s got some juicy ones, doesn’t he?
Peter, I knew I liked you from the start.
It was great to meet and talk with you this weekend. I hope we stay in touch.
Ellen, that’s a great piece. The “no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should,” reminds me of a quote from my Sufi teacher, as he wrote about another facet/aspect/Quality of the Divine, called ‘The Irresistible’:
I always liked that line.
Another Virgo checking in.
Adam, I love this piece, since it fits so perfectly with where I am: “Because when you stop pushing away who you are, you can get close enough to yourself to recognize that you are all you need to be.” I’ve been pushing away the essence of who I am for so long because I thought I should be more “professional” - when what I really long to do is to bring more inner sparkle into the world. Now that I recognize how strongly I hold the preciousness and importance of people’s sparkling, it seems like one of the most exciting things in the world! Thanks for all your help!
I am so glad to have found this website. I am in a space of inquiry about this self-love, self-acceptance thing. I’m one of those Aries people who has struggled with this simple concept forever, which actually seems counterintuitive to the construct of being an Aries! From my judgment, this has always sounded trite, though inherently, I know it is so basic to being human, definitely to experiencing oneness. I am encouraged by everyone’s insightful sharing — I’d love some suggestions in starting to FEEL self-love just as I am. Thanks in advance!
Shawn, you’re very welcome. Our world could use a lot more sparkling people, so I’m praying for your work to spread and spread! I know you know this already, but just let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
Christine, you’re welcome in advance.
If you look in the Silencing Overwhelm ebook (download instructions come if/when you subscribe via email or RSS), you’ll find information about getting in touch with your inner connectedness to the Divine/One/Source, which is ultimately where it all sources from, as I see it.
From there, tapping into your intuitive sense (also in Silencing Overwhelm) and asking the burning questions you feel in your heart, in this case, about who you are, your nature, etc., will take you very, very far.
And don’t hesitate to get in touch with me if you have other questions as you go through it all.
Thanks, Adam. I will follow your advice.
I came here to get some insight on the “edges” meme as I have been tagged. But of course, as a fellow Virgo (sept 7-see my birthday post “seven weeks to seven days” all are invited to play!) who often struggles with perfectionism and self-acceptance issues this caught my eye!
I seem to be able to give unconditional love to everyone in the world except myself.
Welcome to Virgo-world, Karen! I know what you mean by being able to give it to everyone besides yourself (I am a Virgo, after all)…
That used to be a big challenge for me, like I mentioned, but with the spiritual focus I’ve had and the bazillion healing experiences I’ve gone through
, I’m so much more at peace with myself than ever before.
Anyways, welcome to the site, and I’m looking forward to seeing you around more.
It’s great to be able to identify with Adam all that has been written and not to feel the odd one out anymore!
And once you’ve learned to let go of all the “negative” stuff it’s fun being a Virgo as we have so many gifts - including being perfectionists! ;-)) And a sense of humor…
Here is to astrologial signs:
Astrological Prayers
Aries
Dear God, please give me patience… and could you do it right now?
Taurus
Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.
Gemini
Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?
Cancer
Dear God!!!
Leo
Yes?
Virgo
Dear God, please make us perfect and don’t mess it up like You did the last time.
Libra
Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?
Scorpio
Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don’t deserve it!
Sagittarius
Dear Lord, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.
Capricorn
Dear God! I’d like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!
Aquarius
Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!
Pisces
Dear Lord, as long as I’m going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.